Sunday, November 1, 2015


Thinking thoughts of life
Friends ghost like, imaginary  
Reality shades

Trimming shadows dark
Till what is real becomes truth
Illusion of choice

Sunday, October 4, 2015

Gun control? How about human rights.

Gun control....

Is it about the 2nd amendment?  About 'common sense', whatever that undefined bogey is?   Is it about some peoples fears and other peoples beliefs?

Allow me to spend a moment here explaining thoughts of mine on the subject.

I am a human being.  I BELIEVE human beings have inherent rights.  To the point being discussed here, I believe all people... ALL PEOPLE... have the human right of defending themselves against violence.   It's an individual right, not a collective one.  (Oh.... I agree that a society has the obligation to protect it's citizens, but only so far as the individuals human rights are not abrogated.)

To that end, I believe human beings have the right to own whatever means of personal self defense they can afford;  The means to defend themselves against criminals, terrorists, and oppressors both foreign and domestic. 

If that isn't clear enough.... I believe all people have the right to defend themselves against violence and coercion...  even that of their own government.

Mentally unstable murderers bent on making a name for themselves....  as bad as that is... as much as our society seems bent on glorifying such monsters.... as much as so many politicians live for that moment when they can dance in the blood of victims while trumpeting their favorite feel good yet pointless vote buying scam...... have nothing to say about my human rights.

Nor yours.

Saturday, August 8, 2015

Yeah.... that would be me

“A rational anarchist believes that concepts such as ‘state’ and ‘society’ and ‘government’ have no existence save as physically exemplified in the acts of self-responsible individuals. He believes that it is impossible to shift blame, share blame, distribute blame… as blame, guilt, responsibility are matters taking place inside human beings singly and nowhere else. But being rational, he knows that not all individuals hold his evaluations, so he tries to live perfectly in an imperfect world…aware that his effort will be less than perfect yet undismayed by self-knowledge of self-failure."

Robert Heinlein

Sunday, July 12, 2015

Ribs..... the day after

The dry rub had a touch of heat, via smoked Indian paprika. Nice facet, but one to be used carefully. 

The garlic, onion, thyme, and pepper added significantly to the flavor, although might be just a touch too overwhelming. The brown sugar.... that can be cut back just a bit, given the sweetness of the sauce that came later. In fact, the sugar could almost be eliminated.

I could see a variation which uses a wet rub instead of dry, and used a touch of honey and vinegar. 

The sauce, Sweet Baby Ray's Vidalia Onion, was spot on. Adding it's flavor to the dry rub was a chance, but it worked out decently. Cutting it 50/50 with whiskey made for a nice spreadable sauce that still clung well, and survived the heat of the grill (250-300 degrees).

Altogether... 8 hours in the fridge with the rub, followed by 6 hours on the grill, with the last few hours adding a slather of sauce every 30 minutes or so.

Thoughts..... a good, tasty rib. A little powerful in flavor, and a little overpowering of the meats flavor. I'd like to try the same recipe, with less time under the rub and less time under sauce.

The steel box full of mesquite chips I rested on the one lit burner? Too little smoke to matter, even with filling it a few times. This is a grill, not a smoker.

What's next? Perhaps a good sized beef brisket, marinated, and then done slow like the ribs.

Tuesday, February 17, 2015

An Awww Shit moment....

Nothing says 'fun' quite like a certified letter notice with IRS written in as 'sender'.

Sunday, December 28, 2014

Note to self.....

If one has rubbed Tiger Balm into ones hand in an effort to deal with pain...

One should not touch ones own face afterwards.

Ever again.


Seeing what is there.....

Some years back, I arrived at school my usual hour early.  Ignoring administration pointless edicts on instructor parking, I stopped to open the gate to my programs compound and pull in.

Looking to the side of the lot, I saw the remains of a vehicle waiting for salvage yard pickup.  The windshield was shattered, and perhaps it was a flash of dawn sunlight that caught my eye.

Learning photography, trying to build my skills, I had begun to pay closer attention to details.  Small views, different angles, how the light paints the world.   This led to my examining the world in different ways.  Sometimes, limiting myself to just what the lens shows the viewfinder.

That's how this image came to be.  Standing there, looking at that wrecked car, I realized there was beauty hidden in the carcass of the crushed automobile.

The details......

Friday, December 26, 2014

My phone has an *off* function.......

Here I sit  (or was when this post was scheduled),  all intending to write something for the venue.

Not so sudden realization..... all I have to write about is me, meself, and me life.... none of which is of interest to anyone.

Of other matters I have opinions and thoughts..... also of little or no interest to anyone.

So there's this:   I wish you all a good holiday season, and a peaceful New Year to come.

Thursday, December 25, 2014

Whiskey sleeps.

Whiskey the cat, not whiskey in the bottle.  The bottled kind, I am out of.  Can't afford anymore either.... not just now.  All my hard earned has gone away to bills or other peoples Christmas happiness.

Bacon.... that I have, and shall have this morning.  Bacon I slice myself, having rubbed it down in pepper and spices some days ago.

I'll poke my head from the cave door far enough to growl a 'Good Day' to all, and the best wishes I have available to all as well.

Merry Christmas

Sunday, December 14, 2014

More musings...

Is the economy getting better?

I'm as doomy as the next guy, and more than most probably.  That said, many times I have looked at U6 unemployment rate as an indicator of economic failure... so it only seems fair that I point out the trend reversal.

It 'seems' more people are employed lately.

I take this as DESPITE government policy... not because of it.

Sunday musings...

I attempted to watch a bit of 'news' coverage this morning, but my stomach turned enough it had to go.

The monochrome 'reporting' amounts to nothing less than Pravda, and the blatant race baiting divisiveness is appalling.

Hypocrisy may be the most unappealing human trait of all.

Sunday morning musings

Spent some time reading at Peter's blog this morning, which led me down THIS bunny hole...

Well worth a few minutes.

Saturday, December 6, 2014

Sunday, July 27, 2014

As life lived on rails
Following fate around bends

Saturday, July 12, 2014


I am surrounded by drama.  It's a super moon today/tonight.  Super moon means supper whacko?

Jes update:  She says she will be out by the end of the month.  If so, I will give her the money for the furniture and more besides.  Looking forward to moving the house around to suit me. Not looking forward to lonely, but I will come to grips with that.

Caroline and Dave... drama city.  Caroline told him she wants out.  Last night he hit little Lorelie hard enough to raise welts.  C kicked him out.  Police involved.  What a childish asshole.

Matt and Laura...... more drama city.  Too much to describe.  They both earned what they have.  I try to be a friend to both if I can.  Wouldn't mind taking Laura to bed, but that aint gonna happen.

So today, Saturday.  I have no plans, and hope to keep it that way.  Maybe a little mow/trim/blow.  Surely coffee in the hot tub.  Alone, but still pretty good.   With luck, the drama will flow around me as the stream parts around the rock.

Friday, July 4, 2014


Looks like Jes is moving out in installments.  More stuff is missing each day.  Can't be TOO much longer!

We did the 'walk around the house and divide shit up' thing.  It was more like a 'walk around the house and see how much money you will give me for shit' kind of thing.   It was REALLY cute when she tried this little blackmail stunt to get 'moving expenses' from me.  "I know you don't have renters insurance and I'll tell Craig  blah blah yadda yadda".

In the end, after subtracting what she owed me, the number came out to less than $200 my pocket to hers.  Since this was way less than I planned on giving her anyway, I bought some more junk from her to bring the total up.  Hey... less disruption in my life if less furniture moves out of the house!

Last night (thursday), did the M&G at Loxleys.    I had planned to have a few beers, unwind, spend a bit of time with Caroline there, maybe talk to Lori.

Weird..... the phone went crazy before I left home.  Jen texted, and she wanted to go do something.  Laura texted, I think for the same thing.  Lori texted to let me know she was there already.  Someone totally new on SLS e-mailed and opened a conversation, said she was going to Loxleys too  (didn't see her)......

Beginning to take a long look at the house and thinking how I might like to move things around after Jes is really out (and the locks are changed).  Considering keeping my bedroom where it is, and making the big bedroom into a library/den kind of thing.   The other room, I'll keep an eye out for a spare bed to put in there for guests.

Choices!  Only thing for sure is... money will be tight and I need  to work my ass off!

Tuesday, June 24, 2014


Sarah has chosen sides, despite neutrality.  I understand that.  Neither Jess nor human nature would allow anything different.

Sad..... I was hoping that would develop into something long term.  I really do like her.  

So be it.  It will be only one of many changes.

So far, no real indication that Jessi is planning on leaving.  Yes, lots of giving-away-stuff and throwing away as well, but not a word on when/where/what.  I know it won't be real till after it actually happens.

In fact.... it won't be real till after her stuff is gone and I have changed the locks.  THEN the place will be mine, and I can begin considering how to make it all my home.

Backup plan if she won't move out?  I haven't one yet.

In regards to 'my' stuff walking out while I am not here..... there is little I can really do.  One thing.... I ordered a trail camera and will place it where it can watch comings/goings out the front door.  If anything of mine walks away, it may at least catch the act.

Down the road a piece, I will order a second, and place it out back.  I like the idea of having images captured of movement (day and night) at the house.  Especially images captured by devices that are not obvious, and should be unexpected.

Blog post there someplace, I think.....

Saturday, June 21, 2014

6.21.14 update

Tried the 'sharing the house thing' with Jessi.  That blew up today.  I told her it isn't working and she needs to find her own place.

Caroline was over today.  I worked on her van.  We .... cuddled....multiple times.  Ended up snoozing in my bed.  Jessi came in and asked her to leave.  It went downhill from there.

I will NOT be told who I can see, when, or what I am allowed to do with them.  Fuck that.  Not a couple is NOT A COUPLE.   She stepped way over the bounds of sharing a house.

Sarah..... not happening at this time.  She feels guilt, and I don't wish that on her.  On other hand, maybe that will change after Jessi gets the fuck out of here.

Work..... going swimmingly.   It's going back to my roots, doing things I am fairly good at.

What else is happening?  Just life.  Not good, not bad.  Just is.  Hoping for some peace if I can just end up living alone.

Sunday, June 1, 2014

*  Setting up a couple rifles for chucks this summer.  The .17 Savage and the .22 CZ.  Scoped, accurate as hell.  Now I just need to make the time happen.   

Think I will be carrying the .17 in the trunk, and stopping at Matt's B&B on the way home sometimes.  I also need to go over and see the farmer across the street.   Perhaps he would be amenable to some woodchuck thinning.  I need to work on those old skills.... sneak, stalk, shoot.

* Social life....  Fading back to the norm, as it always does.   Be honest with myself... if Jessi told me today she was moving out, I would not be heartbroken.  I would likely be quietly elated.  The thing is, how to make that happen without hurting her emotionally?

* Lets face it.... I want S again.   That needs to happen again :-)   Thing is... kids, husband, free time alone, etc etc etc.  Likely to be a rare occurrence.   The passion she has, that's reviving.

Monday, May 26, 2014

Once and Done wished more yesterday.... so I guess I'm not all that terrible.

I chose not to.  Just tired, and wished home.

Of course, home means Jessi, who is now thoroughly pissed at me for being with Carolyne yesterday.   Lie to myself?  Pointless.  Her anger is not unwelcome.  Perhaps it will blossom into a change in life here.

Sunday, May 25, 2014

So..... that happened last night.  'Once and done' as she said.

World's greatest lover I am not.

Still... it was pretty damn good.  Give me a little time, and a bit of whiskey, and I'll make the memory better.

Saturday, May 24, 2014

Oh.... and as long as I am on about relationships......

THIS little slice of whacko came by e-mail from 'Pedantic Geek' about 6 months back.  90%+ assurance I know who this is. I suspect she had maybe been in her cups when she wrote it:

I am glad that you are happy now. You deserve that. Please be careful. A dream gun is only a dream gun after you have owned it for a long time. A gun can be many things. You don't know the gun until you have owned it for at least 6 months. I respect the fact that you have what you want and I won't get in the way of that. Regardless of what you believe, I'm not like that. Despite your current situation, I remain constant. I'm not going to fight the good fight right now, because it is fruitless. You will just dig in your heels and that won't be constructive.
I know you don't care what happens to me right now because your sorrows are being soothed, and you are still angry with me, but, perhaps someday you will care. When things went pear shaped, I went on the defensive. That brings out the worst in me. You have no idea how truly sorry I am. Constructive conversation could have helped solve the mysteries. I'm not perfect, but, I am not the person you believe me to be. I wish you knew the real story, which can be proved, but I will not get that chance, because you will not allow it. It's a long story that you have chosen not to hear. You don't know the real facts. If you did, you would feel completely differently about me. You know things. I know things. Would you not save a drowning man? Would you stand there and do nothing? I can't see you doing that, being the humanitarian that you are. Please consider saving that man. He needs help going forward. He would be very grateful.

I ask but for only one day of your time to discuss things, and sort out some issues. Please consider my request. Please don't make this a regret that we both will have to live with. That can be avoided with compassion and humanity. Maybe you feel I don't deserve it. Know that I would do it for you, no matter how angry I was, because my perspective is that it would be the "right thing" to do, for you. Sometimes you should do something that is the right thing for someone else, and not necessarily what you consider to be the right thing for you. Been there, done that!
I don't want to say more here, but you will receive a communication in a different venue soon. Please keep an open mind and try not to be angry.
You are the only person (who knows me ) who believes that I am a mean person. I have an Irish temper, but I always apologize. Please give me the opportunity to apologize to you and let you see the real me: Not the person you have been led to believe I am.  

So, isn't that a serious slice of WTF?

The women I have been involved with most of my life.... seriously involved.... have either gone nuts or been that way before I was with them.   There is something important about that fact.

So... relationships.   Let me get more coffee first.

(glug glug pour pour)

Where I am at now...   is stagnant.   Been with Jessi for, what, five years now?  Ups and downs, in's and out's, experimented with the swinging thing, but the last six months have been mostly kinda stagnant.

I guess it was a few months back (5 or 6?) that I told her it might be time for her to find another place to live.  She had come home and jumped on me at the wrong time in the wrong way.

She left for a week.... it was.... nice.  Real nice.  I cleaned the house and it stayed clean. I watched tv in the morning.  I wasn't physically mauled when she got friendly.  The laundry and chores got done... all of them... done.  I worked out a budget and believe I could have been self supporting here, although with little extra.

Then she asked to come back.  She can't deal with her crazy dad, and she could not afford her own place.  I agreed.   I slid backwards.  That's all on me.

Meanwhile, no sex.  That's been brewing for years.  I USED to think I was a pretty good lover, but Jessi's comments and actions over the last few years make it clear I'm not good enough for her.   Often enough and bad enough that I just have NO desire to be with her at all.  I am, in fact, repulsed by her.

So my sex life has devolved to occasional ..... and damn little else.  Actually, nothing else.  Except...... except that one incident in the hot tub with Sarah. 

We were naked, big deal.  I took the time to rub her feet and calves in the hot water.  Did I want her?  Yes..... I'm not stupid or dead.  Of course I wanted her.  She knew that... no mysteries. She came close to say she hadn't intended to lead me on, but did it by grabbing my ..... to make the point.  I explained I was willing if she ever wished to.   Followed.... her mental struggle  to decide, accompanied by teasing and caressing on both parts.  Nothing happened, it ended there.

I doubt it will go farther.  She is married.  Jessi is threatening in defense of her 'territory'.  I've got the short end, as it always seems.

So that's where it is right now.  Jessi and I share the house.  I'd be okay if she lived elsewhere.  We are sort of boyfriend/girlfriend.  I care ABOUT her, just not FOR her.  Enough that I can't man up and kick her to the curb, and I don't want to hurt her.

Saddened by not hooking up with Sarah.  I don't love her, but I like her a lot, and would dearly love to see her face soften and lose focus.  It would give me pleasure to see her have that. 

For the best, and I know that.  I have little to lose if we get together, and she has much to lose. 

Saturday, May 3, 2014

Lit the fire this evening, so I might watch the flames.  Perhaps they will speak to me.

The warmth is welcome, even though it's not to be so chilled this night.  Perhaps the heat will penetrate to that cold empty space inside me.

Saturday, April 26, 2014

Any day that begins with bacon.... is automatically a good day by default.

In other news...  schoolishness.... teacher stuff......   I are doing my job as best I can.  It's a tough row to hoe, given the adult 'degree' program is literally given zero resources. I can't even get the school to cough up text books.  Seriously...... no text books..... in a college level program that ends up with 'Degree' written on the certificate.


Ah well...... being an adjunct instructor has pros and cons.  On the con side.... low pay, no bennies, and intermittent part time work.  On the pro side..... screw the paperwork, take your meetings and shove them, and when it comes to the school going downhill, I no longer have a dog in that fight.

Frankly, with my full time employment swinging wrenches and tweaking electrons (which I am quite pleased with), teaching evenings makes for three 16 hour days a week.  As much as I like teaching, that's not as enjoyable now as my younger self found it.  Add in the barren dessert which is the schools support of the program, and I have my doubts if I'll take it on again.

I feel bad for the students, in a way.... but it is an ADULT program, and they are supposedly ADULTS.   Maybe there are more lessons there for them than just the feex-de-caar stuff.

Tuesday, April 22, 2014

Planting a seed is an act of faith.  Faith in a future where growth will happen.