As I drove to work this morning, to start another 14 hour day, my mind wandered. I was thinking about this blog, and how I've slacked off on posting for some time now. That started me down the path remembering how I came to blogging, and considering how it's evolved for me.
Back in July of '07, I looked into what 'blogs' are, as they were in the political news almost daily. I'd been net active since before Algore had his single handed brain fart and invented ARPANET. That meant I was into forums of all manner. Before that, the USENET. Before that, pay services like Prodigy. Before THAT.... I was dialing into servers late at night in my basement laboratory.... chuckling like Renfield as I patched into the Federal Reserve system.
I landed on a blog so many people know.... Tam's 'View from the porch' (my unwitting and probably unwilling blog-mother). Her links led me on a trail that sucked up hours and hours of my time, and eventually convinced me I needed to try this 'blog' stuff myself. Thus, 'Carteach0' was born, and has remained the only constant in my blog life since then.
Within a few weeks of beginning Carteach0, I realized I wanted two blogs. One for technical shooting topics, and one for life commentary. A few days later, 'Mal-Fits' came to be. Now named 'New Directions', Mal-Fits was home to much ranting and raving, as well as being my dumping ground during a very, very troubled part of my life. It was while I had Mal-Fits that my marriage broke up. To be exact, I decided that life was worth living, rather than just a time spent being worked to death supporting those who cared little for me.
Mal-Fits became 'New Directions' then, and stayed that way till my wife found it and began harassing my on-line friends. While we were married she had no interest at all, but after I climbed from the pit and found freedom, she sought ways to hurt. I shut down 'New Directions' to save my friends from her vicious streak.
Some time later, having badly missed blogging, I began a new blog named 'Bear on a Bicycle'. So named because of a phrase we use here amongst fellow instructors... "here comes another bear on a bicycle..... meaning the circus is in full swing. The Bear went through changes as well, and finally became 'The Blind Squirrel'.
Blind squirrel..... ended when a relationship I was in ended. Hard, painful, and stunning. The Squirrel carried on a while, but with little heart or soul. There was a lot I wanted to say, but just couldn't talk about. It ended when I got my very own crazy stalker woman.... and it just seemed time to let it die on the vine. I tried blogging under an old name for a while, bring 'Mal-Fits' back to life, but my heart wasn't in it. It was mostly a time of beating myself up over the past and wallowing in pain and self pity. Oh.... just to really elevate the level of 'suck' in life at that point, a woman who treated me as her son.... died of cancer. In the bargain I somehow got custody of her elderly husband, his business, and his life. Two weeks after I had my own heart ripped out, I was dealing with her death and trying to keep him from killing himself.
You know what? It sucked.... and I stopped doing it. The self pity and wallowing I mean..... I have stopped that crap. It got old, and life is just too good to live like that.
Now..... I have this blog, 'The Gregarious Loner', which will keep pace with my life as best I am able and wish to. I still have Carteach0 for shooting stuff, but here at the G.L. I'll go back to journaling my personal life, with occasional rants. Maybe I'll share what's special about the day.... if I have time... and if the pressure to speak overwhelms the inertia to be silent.
All my old blogs? They are still there. I'll be opening them back up as public again, and posting all the stuff saved as drafts. All the posts that hurt to write, and hurt more to read. All the posts I was told to take down so someone else would not be embarrassed. All the stuff over the last few years.... doesn't hurt so much anymore. It's time to let it out and air it a bit. I'll be going back and allowing posting on hundreds of pieces saved in draft now, over the next few days. I may cut and paste some into posts here, looking back over time and perhaps commenting on what was going on in my life when I wrote such stuff. Yup.... a real 'me-fest'.... but that's what blogging is sometime.
So, in lieu of frequent posting now while life is just too busy..... I present my past blogging life for review. This may be the answer to insomniacs everywhere.....
Mal-Fits / New Directions
Bear on a bicycle / Blind Squirrel
Mal-fits (second iteration)