Saturday, January 8, 2011

Deciphering Craigslist car ads.......


"Needs State Inspection": That is why I am selling this piece of junk, because it failed state inspection... again. This time it needs work costing about three times the value of the truck.

"Might need engine": Because it exploded last month. There is a rod sticking out the side of the block, and squirrels have moved into the #3 cylinder.

"Trans slips a bit, might just need service": By 'slips a bit' we mean 'Bring a tow truck'. It won't climb the one degree slope of our driveway.

"Almost no rust": Which translates to "You can toss a cat clean through from one side of the car to the other without ruffling it's fur".

"Great mechanical condition": Is code for "Sure, it runs great... as long as you are not too picky about having fenders held on by rock band stickers".

"Classic": Not quite old enough to be called antique, but just old enough that you'll never, ever, be able to find parts for it.

"Antique": It has rust older than the owner.

"Needs exhaust": Because it fell off while we were jumping ditches with the car last week.

"Good on gas": Totally inoperative, must be pushed. Therefor uses no gas at all.

"Rare Truck": Yup, sure is rare... since almost every other one of that model year has already rusted into an unidentifiable heap..... and this one is about to as well.

"Very fast": And I have the reckless driving citations to prove it.

"Too many cars, must sell": I bought four wrecked cars for parts to make this one out of.

"Minor body damage": The car is U shaped from hitting a telephone pole.... but still drives fine as long as you only want to turn left... all the time.

"Project car, not enough time to finish": I took this thing apart and it's strewn around my back yard.... and I have no idea what I was doing.... and my wife is threatening to leave me if I don't clean up the junk.

"Great price": Great price for ME, if I can get some sucker to pay it.

"Lots of upgrades under the hood": My nickname is 'Mario', and I have beat the living crap out of this gutless POS because it's fun to play 'Race Cars' with my buddies from school.

"Uses a bit of oil": As long as you understand 'Bit of Oil' means it burns more 10w30 than it does gasoline.

"Was mint when I got it": But not anymore of course, since I own a hog farm and used this van to haul oinkers to slaughter.

"One owner car": And that owner was a crazed drug dealer running a meth lab out of the trunk. Don't mind the bullet holes and flash burns.

"Needs interior work": Because it has none. Bring a milk crate to sit on so you can drive it away.

"Motivated Seller": Needs to sell the car ASAP, as the nice officers are looking very hard to find it right now.


Arthur said...

Heh, one from personal experience - "Priced to move!"...Because we were motocrossing through peoples back yards last night and the cops are looking for the car.

Luckily I had a friend along who knew the guys reputation and waved me off.

Carteach0 said...

Lol..... adding that one to the list!

Ted Amadeus said...

*LMAO!!!!* That was a riot.