Monday, September 24, 2012

Reading back... three years ago.

I can not believe this was three years ago.   So much has changed since then.....

 

"A year and a half ago I left my marriage. It was a choice for me between living life, or not caring if I lived. At the time... and to the best of my ability since then, I have tried not to say anything bad about my wife. She is human, with all the flaws that entails. I accept that, and I take upon myself any blame to be attached to the failure. That seems the right thing to do.

The effect of that decision amongst my and our friends has been mixed. By making the conscious decision to rarely speak of my reasons for leaving.... I have left just one side of the story out there. I've accepted that doing so leaves me at a disadvantage, and frankly I look like dirt to some people. So be it. I will not speak badly of her if I can help it. I loved her for much of my life.... and I will not dishonor what was once there, any more than I have to in order to continue living.

Now I am faced with the same choice, and once again I will make the same choice. I have nothing bad to say. In fact, I have nothing to say about the situation at all. It would only make it worse, and more painful... and I will not do that to someone I care about. What blame there is, I accept fully. The fault is mine, and mine alone.

I know that I will once again appear to be a real jerk to all those who know one side of the story. People who's opinion I care about are now going to turn away. That hurts... tremendously, but it pales in comparison to the rest of the pain from this. I.... just cannot imagine what life will be like starting tomorrow.

Right now... I'm going to pour three fingers of bourbon on some ice, and go watch the sunlight fade. I can only talk to the trees, and they say nothing in return."

4 comments:

Old NFO said...

You're still here, and that is a positive!

Keads said...

It's hard. BTDT. I just have had more time to adapt than you.

My best wishes for you on the journey.

Peter said...

I'm glad you made the decision to be a gentleman, and not bad-mouth others (no matter how much they may have deserved it, or how much you wanted to defend your own reputation).

I've said for many years that religion isn't something we believe; it's something we do. Actions speak louder than words. The same goes for our personality and quality as a human being.

Although your problems weren't of a religious nature, you showed by your actions the inherent worth of at least one of the human beings involved. That's worth more than gold, IMHO. Those who don't understand it, never will.

Carteach said...

Ancient history now... and glad of that. I still believe in the concept though, and chose not to speak ill of others when possible, especially those I was close to.