Beginning of answers today?

 I suppose there's little more boring than someone else's health issues.  There's enough troubles to go around, with everyone getting their own share.

In my head, I'm writing this stuff out to journal... I guess.  In a way it helps put the fear back in the bottle.  To a degree.   Who knew I was such a fucking coward at heart?

Today I go see the heart doc.  Herself is being positive and suggesting we'll get some answers.  Me, I'm thinking we'll probably just get some more questions for now.

Yeah, I've had all kinds of testing crap done, but I'm certain this doc will want more.  A heart-cath at the least, and a stress test I expect.  The idea of both is scary, as much for what they might reveal as the actual testing itself.

For the record, I am NOT OKAY with any of this.  Then again, my other choices are not pleasant either.

All respect and thanks due to Herself.  She's my anchor in all this.   I can't imagine where me head would be without her.

Reading through Blogdom this morning, I find Commander Zero has put his finger right on my problem.  I'm stressing more than I ever have because I have so little control of where this is heading. It's not the possible (probable?) failing ticker that has me twisted in knots. It's stressing over having no foundation or plan. 

I can picture a pathway where I get treatment, make life changes, and go back to work within a few months.  I can also imagine being told the current situation is the best it's going to be, and make the best of your early (and short) retirement. There's probably another dozen possible futures that I'm not thinking of yet, being some mix of the above or something totally different.

My biggest problem is the stress of not knowing.  I'll happily take sword to dragon.... but wandering in the dark trying to find that fire-breathing wyrm is harshing my calm.