5-5-26

 W: 316.6        BS: NA

• Trash
• Clean kitchen
• Vacuum 1
• Vacuum 2
• Straighten
• Laundry l
• Laundry 2
• Dishes
• Sort clothes/ put away
• Clean outside a bit
• Shot?
• Groceries
• Booze run
• ?

Life with 'people' is a big game of 'choose your battles'.  I like things neat and orderly, and the 'people' I live with have no experience with neat and orderly. This leaves it to me to clean up after myself, AND them.   My energy is limited by the heart thing.  Over the last five years I have learned to pick and choose, and not push beyond what my body agrees with.  I've done that... it didn't end well.  It would take a team of ninja maids to clean after people who can't even SEE* the endless trash and clutter they create.  I am in no way a team of ninja maids.

Well, we have people coming for dinner tomorrow.  Something I usually avoid for exactly the  reason I am dealing with today and tomorrow.  I am ashamed of this home, and it cuts deadly deep that I must make the choices I do.

I'll spend today and tomorrow trying to first-pass the place into an acceptable condition.  Even while the 'people' continue to recreate their chosen environment right behind me as I clean.  I will not succeed, but I must try anyway.

* I have come to understand these people really don't see the trash and clutter.  It's their normal.  They will happily step over a piece of paper laying in a hallway for months without ever registering they did so.   Months... or forever really.  It's not that they expect someone else to clean up after them.  They have no idea at all anything needs cleaned up.  Both sinks and the counter can be (and have been) covered in stacked dirty dishes, and not one of them would even have a notion towards doing dishes.  They don't see them.  On a fairly regular basis I take photos of the worst piles and messes, and text them to my wife.  Each time I get "OMG, I didn't realize!" and something may...may... get done on a short term.   The reality is it's too late for these people.  Their life pattern is set, and it's under a nice comfy pile of trash and debris.

I am not equipped for that battle anymore.  I did it my whole life.  Just can't anymore. The worst part is knowing they don't care what it does to me.

I think I'll just go drink till *I* can't see it either.

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