Lancaster Newspapers

 

 

 

Dear Lancaster newspapers,

For the last few weeks, you folks have been throwing your trash on our front lawn (XXXX   Xxxxxxxx  Rd.). You've also been throwing trash on our neighbors driveway.

Now, We have tried to be easy going, and have simply been picking up your trash and throwing it away. Our neighbors, however, have been throwing your trash onto our lawn alongside your trash which you have thrown on our lawn.

This has really gone too far. I know Lancaster Newspapers has been running their presses day in and day out, cranking out material that few people want to buy, killing entire forests every year to do so. On top of that, the plastic this trash is wrapped in is in no way biodegradable, and the fuel required to drive this trash to our home day after day... that's just unconscionable.

We really must put our foot down, for the planets sake if for no other. If Lancaster Newspaper's trash is not removed from our lawn within two days, we shall be forced to call the police and advise them of this unlawful, and frankly.... immoral, garbage dumping practice.

Oh.... and before you suggest it, we tried using the paper as a lining for our parrots cage. The poor bird proceeded to begin screaming "Redundant Redundant", and refused to defecate on the paper.