2-24-26 Tue

 W: 308.4                BS: 129

• Order groceries
• Pay bills
• Fire & Wood
• Taxi
• Meds
• Vacuum
• Laundry
• Dishes
• Awesome stir fry
• HB eggs
• Sort clothes
• Start yogurt
• ?

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After 20+ years of emotional abuse from the ex, and 10+ years of recovery,  I realized something.   I have a deep fear of not being enough, of not doing enough.  This will take some time to work through.

****

The road to Auschwitz was paved with indifference.

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2-23-26 Mon

 W: 310.2                BS: 120

310?  WTF?

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2-22-26 Sun

 W: 308.2                    BS: 105

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2-20-26 Fri

 W: 304.6                BS: 168

• Laundry 1
• Laundry 2
• Dishes 1
• Dishes 2
• Vacuum
• Order groceries
• Fire & Wood
• Drive taxi
• ?

I refuse to sit on my ass for yet another day, coughing, hacking, and being miserable.  I can get CHORES done while I cough, hack, and feel miserable.

(later)

Lessee... carried laundry up, carried laundry down, started washer and drier, cooked a fancy breakfast and made coffee, ordered groceries, cleared dishes, carried wood and made fire, and....

Oh, hello spinny world.  I didn't miss you.  At all.

Numbers all look good, and ECG is okay.  More like there is a pond in my head and it's sloshing.

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2-19-26 Thur

 W: 306.2            BS: 147

Struggling a bit.

Isn't it funny how a day with a clear schedule is a relief and respite, but just one scheduled peoply event lasting only a few hours is a soul crushing crisis?

2-17-26 Tue

 W: 303.2                BS: 114

Wife gave me a cold-drug cocktail last night, and I slept fair once the coughing stopped. Almost feel human this morning.

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"Honey, I want you to make an appointment with the doctors.  I'm worried."

"Honey, will you drop Gurl at work and then drive me to work so I can do stuff for a while?"

Nope... just NO.  You do NOT get to tell me you are worried and should see the doc, and in the next breath ask me to spend hours driving in traffic to run your daughter and you all over the county.  PICK ONE, and ONLY one.

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2-16-26 Mon

 W: 301.4                    BS: NA

• Laundry 1
• Laundry 2
• Dishes
• Vacuum
• PC
• Move wood
• ?

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2-15-26 Sun

 W: 305.0                BS: 154

The wife now has me doing Tai Chi with her every evening.  Always wanted to try this.

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2-13-26 Fri

 W: 305.8                BS: 157

BRR... chill morning.

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Did you hear about the guy who started chirping after a one night stand? They think he caught a canarial disease.

Jokes about German sausage are the wurst.

What do you call a lawyer who can cook? A sue chef.

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2-11-26 Wed

 W: 305.2                BS: 170

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I just put 150 gallon of heating oil in the tank. $538.   

"Darlin, for this valentines day I am giving you your children not freezing to death".

That's a good gift, right?

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Pardon the lack of.. well... anything.  I'm in a non-social mood.  I've been looking at people/  On the whole, not impressive.  Even looking in the mirror fails to impress.

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2-9-26 Mon

 W: 305.6                BS: 162

• Fire & Wood
• Dishes
• Laundry
• Pay a couple  bills
• Cook all the things
• Vacuum 
• Shot
• Chk oil
• Order heating oil (OUCH)
• Water softener
• ?

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2-8-26 Sun

 W: 305.6                    BS: 170

No cold water this morning. Pipe froze. I left the sink dribbling, but someone 'fixed' that for us last night.  Despite *written* directions.  Sigh.

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2-6-26 Fri

 W: 308.4                BS: 162

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2-5-26 Thur

 W: 306.6                    BS: 172

• Sort clothes
• Put clothes away
• Trash
• Fire & Wood
• Vacuum
• Adjust furnace, chk oil
• Install insurance gadgets
• Bake bread
• Taxi
• ?

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To the family chat:

"There is enough wood on the porch for today and maybe tonight.  After that, all the wood is in the pile out front under the snow.   Dress warm, I guess".

I have my long underwear to hand and ready.

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2-4-26 Wed

 W: 304.4                BS: 151

• Dishes 
• Adjust furnace valve
• Laundry 1
• Laundry 2
• Vacuum
• Fire & Wood
• Move wood
• Taxi
• PC
• Shot
• ?

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China fraud make silver fall down, go boom.

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'Yo, fat man!  Why you always postin da memes?'

Because I think they chronicle the times, exactly as cartoons have since media was invented.

2-3-26 Tue

 W: 308.0                    BS: 124

• Dishes
• Vacuum
• Fire & Wood
• Order groceries
• ?

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2-2-26 Mon

 W: 306.8                BS: 139

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2-1-26 Sun

 W:  307.2                    BS: NA

• Fire & Wood
• Trash out
• Dishes
• Coffee & Breakfast
• Vacuum
• Sort clothes
• Meds
• Shot
• PC
• Start sausage?
• ?

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Her entire personality in one image

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1-31-26 Sat

 W: 306.4                BS: 90

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The Whif made us all eye appointments with 'America's Best'.  Since then, for the last two weeks, they have been sending me two or three reminders... A DAY... every day.

Yes, I have now consigned them to the 'Spam Folder of Shame'.  I wonder what the companies intent was in devising that scheme to annoy all their customers so badly?

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1-30-26 Fri

 W: 305.6                BS: 90

• Pickup groceries
• Fire & Wood
• Dishes
• Laundry
• Vacuum
• PC
• Shot
• Cook chicken for meat/stock

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Bowl of chicken noodle weather....

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1-29-26 Thur

 W: 306.4                BS: 134

• Taxi at 9
• Fire & Wood
• Trash out
• Vacuum
• Laundry
• ?

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1-28-26 Wed

 W: 306.0                BS: 60

• Pay bills
• Fire & Wood
• Order groceries
• Move wood
• Get meds
• Vacuum
• Dishes
• Repair wood stove
• Taxi
• Laundry
• ?

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The door to the wood stove just fell off!  Hinge pins finally rusted through.   This ancient stove is worth fixing.  Nothing built today would suit us as well.

There are extreme-temp epoxies out there.  Might be interesting to give one a try. 

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1-26-26 Mon

 W: 307.2                BS: 94

• Dishes
• Laundry?
• Fire & Wood
• Vacuum
• Straighten badger den
• Stare into the white abyss
• ?

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