Sunday, December 25, 2011
Merry Christmas to me
This morning, I challenge myself to put down only words positive. I awoke to opportunities in forgiveness, or least forgetness, as past ghosts chose Christmas day to come calling. So often I liken myself to Scrooge, and now I have the creepy spirits crawling back as proof.
Thoughts turn to words... not helpful. I'll not dwell on them; My challenge. Instead, look for the lesson towards the good.
What I find is this, and gold it is: I need not fall under the weight of past mistakes, no matter how they are shoveled upon my shoulders unbidden.
My life has moved past that, and I accept the mistakes I made in judgement and belief. While I have regrets.... I also experienced the love I felt, and it was good. In the pain of being taught how wrong I was in my faith, there was born another life where such hurt is dissolved away to leave behind peace.
Anger... turns to pity.
Wounds... distill to only memories.
Grievous hurt... leaves behind only sadness at what might have been.
So, this Christmas morning there is no sparkly tree in my window, nor shiny presents for me to unwrap in glee. Instead, I find a much more valuable gift arrives as a few tortured and misspelled sentences from the ghost of a former life. An invitation to feel guilt where none is deserved, an opportunity to open old wounds, a chance to dredge up deeply held regrets.
The gift... is in my learning that it no longer hurts. The gift... is in showing me, by contrast, just how good my life is now.
Thank you, and Merry Christmas to you too!