Sunday, August 6, 2017
8-6-17 Web Log
So wassa happnin.......
School: Half way through this session, and its going well... so far. Good bunch of mush heads. Good enough that I need to push myself a bit to keep fresh meat in front of them. Not sure if that says more about me than them.
I've been told my next session will be eight weeks.... teaching advanced electrical. Ugh. Surprise. I THINK it will go well, but I have minimal curriculum prepared for that subject. The other instructors who teach that course are across the board on how deep they get into the theory, but are universally Freaking Sharp. I think I will approach it from the angle of real world in the repair shop, much as I approach everything I'm instructing.
Both this course and the next are afternoon session. Technically, my work day is 12:45 til 8:00pm. Realistically, I'm in almost an hour early every day. I get the job done, and I think I get it done in good fashion. On the other hand, there just doesn't seem to be much 'me' left after that. I lounge a few hours in the morning, drive an hour to school, work hard, drive an hour home, and then fall over. This lack of 'life' is leaving a mark. On me, on other people, on my home, and may even be harshing my calm a bit.
What the above does is highlight how bad my home is getting, clutter and filth wise. To be totally honest with myself, this probably has something to do with how early I go in. The mess and dirt turns my *home* into a place I can't stand to be. If I don't have the energy to clean it up, then I leave.
My classroom? My shop? Nearly spotless, and my students understand the need and keep it so with minimal nudging. I'm comfortable there.
My home.... or maybe I should just back that term off and call it 'My House'? It doesn't feel like home so much anymore. Home is a place you can relax and recharge, right?
Two adults, two children, and two cats. Of that bunch, only one.. *Me*... is uncomfortable with living in a fucked up mess. Every once in a while, I can manage and deal. 24/7 day in and day out for years? Yeah.... I'm struggling here. I'm having hellish flashbacks to being married with kids, and living in the same exact situation. I dealt with it then, and finally went numb after years of anger. I had to leave, and learn to live without constant anger in my life.
Perspective may demonstrate *I* am much of the problem. Maybe my standards are too high? Am I wrong? It's hard to judge anymore. I'd like to see my kitchen table more often than once or twice a month. The rest of the time, it's piled with laundry. The back/laundry room? I see the floor every few months. Maybe. There's been a full laundry basket in front of the living room closet for.... months? Blankets strewn around the living room grow crusty from non-stop kid lounging. The cats litter pan..... sometimes it's so bad they simply move their business to the laundry strewn on the floor. To top off that little party, the parrot shits on the floor at will. Dishes.... I've stopped doing them daily. I WORK daily, and float the boat here, and people are home all day. Why should I have to come home from work and do dishes?
I'm not sure what words work regarding having Herself and kids living here. I've grown attached to them. That said.... if I lived alone I'd be coming HOME to a neat and clean HOME every day. Peace and sanity would be a lot easier to come by.
Oh, and I'm out of whiskey and too broke to buy any.... and will be for the foreseeable.
Yup.... Po Po Pitiful Blah Blah.